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Superhero Obama  Send to a friend
Written by Rahul Odedra   
Friday, 07 November 2008 17:04
Barack Obama

Barack Obama has Conquered America, so Rahul Odedra takes a light hearted look at what his Victory means for us...   

So the US elections, which seem to have been going on since Vanilla Ice was considered cutting edge, are finally over. 

The glory years of the Bush administration come to a close, and a new dawn has been heralded by Barack Hussein Obama II, swept into power on a tide of unrealistic hopes and unneccessary hyperbole.


Of course Obamania has not been restricted to the 50 states: in Kenya his victory has been toasted by a national holiday, while in Europe he has long had the sort of popularity Sarkozy and Brown can only dream of.


But what does The Chosen One’s victory mean for you, the Kingston University students?

 

 

Sure there are the few American students directly affected who exercised their right to vote; and for the rest of us, the new leader of the free world will have an impact upon our economy and foreign policy to name but a few areas.


However, I feel the incoming administration needs to focus a bit more on this little patch of academic nirvana on the banks of the mighty Thames.  I’ve had a look at the Obama campaign’s policies and key themes, and have compiled for you, the reader, a list of aspects of university life that I think should be affected:

  1. Barack Obama is all about change, so maybe he will implement some of this policy on the heating systems around Kingston.  As in if its boiling hot and students are struggling to breathe, it might be a good idea to change the temperature to below 30?
  2. Obama wants to move America on from the Bush years, but I have a different way of implementing the policy here: Move Forward.  As in, when you’re on a staircase PLEASE MOVE FORWARD.  Don’t just stand there, don’t show your mates the latest video you’ve been bluetoothed, don’t try and communicate with someone two floors above you by shouting in MY EAR!

  3. Obama has promised to engage with foreign leaders without pre-conditions.  So let’s tailor this policy to Kingston.  How about if a lecturer or tutor has an important announcement, they actually tell us what it is in class, instead of directing us to StudySpace or Smackboard or whatever it’s called at the moment.

  4. With his success, Saint Barack seems to have shown that the message of opportunity for all American’s is true (“There is not a white America, there is not a black America blah blah blah”).  Well here in south west London I want my opportunity too: To get money out of the cash point at Penrhyn road.  Surely the person responsible for it, probably a suit, realises that there are literally thousands of students at the campus, yet there is only one ‘Hole in the Wall’.  So it would probably be a good idea to keep it stocked full of...say...MONEY?  Now I know the banks aren’t having a great time at the moment, but they’d probably be doing a bit better if they let me withdraw MY money, hence letting me redistribute the cash within the economy, eventually benefiting...THE BANKS!

  5. Along with change, hope was probably been the most important theme of the campaign.  So where do we start here?  I hope I’m able to visit a university toilet , and then still have a sense of smell afterwards; I hope it doesn’t take 15 minutes to log on to a PC in the library, when I literally have 10 minutes to hand some work in.  Sorry to rant on about this, but I hope I don’t then have to not only email the assignment, but also print it out twice, race across to the other side of the campus, then fill in another form to confirm I’ve just spent half the day wasting my time.

  6. Obama and the Democrats are particularly enthusiastic about combating climate change, a message they have pushed whilst travelling around the country in a Boeing 757, so The Chosen One will probably be keen on getting rid of the silly receipts that are printed out every time we use a university printer.  I don’t need to be told I’ve just printed something out.  Do you know why?  Because I’m standing at the printer collecting documents I’ve just printed.

  7. Obama has a positive message for America.  For Kingston....Maybe I should stop there.
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3.26 Copyright (C) 2008 Compojoom.com / Copyright (C) 2007 Alain Georgette / Copyright (C) 2006 Frantisek Hliva. All rights reserved."

 
Author of this article: Rahul Odedra

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