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Sex with an Ex: Kingston stories

By River Reporter Nov 22, 2012

Monicha Tully
PICTURE the scene: you and your significant other have decided to go your separate ways. In your mind the relationship is unequivocally over but what happens when your ex makes you an offer that you cannot resist?
A River survey showed that 63 per cent of KU students regret having slept with their ex. Olivia’s cautionary tale began when she thought that allowing her ex-boyfriend back into her bed would make him love her again. 
But this could not have been further from the truth. She said: “We had been dating for six months when he ended the relationship, claiming that he was ‘too young to be tied down’. I was devastated and was so desperate to repair the relationship that when he called, I went running.
Bed of shame
“We hadn’t spoken for a while, so I was surprised when he called me out of the blue late one night. He sounded really drunk and was pleading for me to come over. I still loved him, so I went to him. That decision turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life.”
After spending the night together Olivia woke to a string of urgent messages from friends. She says: “I opened the first message and my heart sunk. I was humiliated; I literally wanted the ground to swallow me whole.”
While she had slept, Olivia had become the latest victim of a cruel internet craze dubbed ‘bed of shame’, where men post photographs onto social networking sites of their semi-naked ‘conquests’ sleeping in bed.
When Olivia confronted her ex, he had claimed that she was overreacting and that it was ‘just banter’. She says: “Although my face was partially concealed by the duvet, to those that knew me I would have been instantly recognisable.
“I tried to make him see sense but he just said ‘if you are going to act like a slut, don’t be surprised if you get treated like one.’”
 That was the final straw for Olivia who has not spoken to her ex since. “What he did was disrespectful and unforgivable,” she says. “We had been together before, I thought that I could trust him. I have now learnt my lesson. I will never sleep with an ex again, it is not worth the risk.”
72% of KU students have regular sex with an ex
A new study in Cosmopolitan has revealed that almost half of single British women are regularly having sex with their exes. According to figures from the Office for National Statistics, the number of single people has skyrocketed with 1.7m single men and 1.3m women living in the United Kingdom. So with more single people than ever before, why are so many people still choosing to slip back under the sheets with their ex boyfriends and girlfriends?
The River also conducted its own survey to find out how many Kingston University students are still sleeping with their exes and why. The results were startling, 72 per cent of the 350 sexually active Kingston University students that were polled admitted to having had regular sex with an ex.
Your stories
KU student, Jack, 23, admits that he still sleeps with his ex-girlfriend as it is convenient. He says: “She is a good girl and I know it sounds terrible but she is there, so why not? It is easier to call her over when I am having a quiet night rather than have to make the effort of going out and trying to meet someone new.”
Raphael, 25, had his heart broken when he found out that he was not his exes only friend with benefits, “It had been a few years since we had broken up but when we bumped into each other in a bar and slept together I realised that I still liked her,” he says.
After the first night we started regularly meeting up and having sex. The more time we spent together, the closer I thought we were becoming. She however had other ideas.”
Kingston local, Raphael was devastated when he found explicit images of his ex with another man on his ex’s phone. “I was floored, the pictures were really explicit and it disgusted me to see her with someone else. 
“When I confronted her she was embarrassed that I had seen the pictures but seemed genuinely surprised at my reaction as she thought that we were allowed to see other people,” says Raphael. 
Emily, 22, ran back to her ex after breaking up with her current partner, she said: “My ex and I are the lucky ones; we have remained really good friends more than anything else.
“We also have great chemistry and a deep understanding of our situation so whenever either of us is going through a breakup and feeling lonely, we sleep together, it may not be for everyone but it works for us.”
What do the pros think?
Relationship coach Julie Orlov believes that having sex with an ex is a common occurrence, she says: “It happens more often than you would think, even with those couples who have contemptuous breakups.
“People have sex with their ex for a variety of reasons but the most common include the desire to feel connected to someone familiar, gain back the power they lost in the relationship or to boost self-esteem and get reassurance that they are still desirable after all this time.”
So before you fall hook, line and sinker for your ex, consider this:
could it just be harmless fun or could you actually be very close to making a huge mistake? 
See our top tips on how to cope with sex with an ex

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