Ah, Christmas. That magical time of year when supermarkets collectively lose their minds and decide that everything should be “festive-flavoured” and rammed between two slices of bread. Cranberry sauce? Mandatory. Bacon? Essential. Stuffing? Obviously. Curry sauce? Apparently so.
This year, I’ve unwrapped the most weird and wonderful meal-deal sandwiches from Tesco, Asda, Sainsbury’s and Waitrose—to see who’s serving up Christmas joy, and who’s just offering something you’ll regret halfway through your lunch break.
1. TESCO: Currywurst Sausage Sub: “Are you sure this is legal?” (£3.00)
As off the rails as it sounds, this sandwich boasts a filling of: sausages, curry ketchup, balsamic onions, and a faint whiff of “should this be allowed?” I was pleasantly surprised by this sub, it was edible and genuinely Christmassy – even if it did make me wonder if I needed therapy for liking it.
Value for money: For £3, it’s great for those on a budget – depending on sobriety at the time of tasting.
Verdict: A bit messy, a bit mad, but undeniably festive (as long as you have napkins).
2. ASDA: Festive Boxing Day Sandwich: Most likely to leak apple sauce onto your laptop (£2.88)
The first bite is confusing, the second is intriguing, and by the third you’re either committed or in a crisis. This sandwich is supposedly meant to resemble one that you would make yourself on boxing day. The filling? Chicken, oak-smoked ham, coleslaw and balsamic onion chutney. Basically, it’s the flavour equivalent of being hugged and punched at the same time.
Value for money: A steal for something that arguably counts as an entire dinner.
Verdict: Feels like it was designed by someone who lost a bet — and tastes like it too.
3. SAINSBURY’S: Mince pie brioche style wrap: The one that forgot it wasn’t a doughnut (£3.40)
Sainsbury’s apparently looked at the traditional mince pie, shrugged, rolled it up in a tortilla and said: “Yeah, that’ll do.” It’s half chaotic, half genius: crème fraiche, mincemeat style compote, salted caramel sauce and shortcake biscuit pieces, all in a brioche-style tortilla wrap. However, this wrap massively overpromises but underdelivers – as if a Ferrari had the engine of a ford KA.
Value for money: An ambitious price for something that literally tastes like chaos.
Verdict: If you like the idea of Christmas sandwiches more than the reality of eating one, Sainsbury’s is for you. High concept, low flavour. It’s like people who say ‘Die Hard’ is a Christmas film.
4. WAITROSE: Christmas merry club’mas sandwich: “I’m better than you” (£4.50)
Waitrose isn’t here to shock you; It’s here to quietly seduce you with flavour. The merry club-mas is what you eat when your Christmas budget includes “sommelier.” Feel the Christmas spirit as you bite into a combination of shredded chicken, mayonnaise, cheddar, smoked bacon, umami onions, spinach and chilli relish. I truly can’t fault this sandwich on its taste. It is flawless and balanced: the only one of these sandwiches that might make you say “mmm” unironically.
Value for money: It is pricey, yes, but worth it to taste the smug satisfaction.
Verdict: Smooth, classy, and far less chaotic than its rivals. Not particularly weird—but when you’re this composed, you don’t need to be.
5. THE VEGAN CATEGORY: TRYING ITS BEST (Sainsbury’s – £3.40 | Waitrose – £3.75)
From Sainsbury’s No Pigs Under Blankets (mushroom & wheat sausage, soya protein slices, cranberry chutney, vegan ‘baconaise’ sauce and real confusion) to Waitrose’s Christmas Vegetable Festive Feast (butternut squash, chestnuts, cranberries, red cabbage and vibes), the plant-based entries are… earnest. Whilst plant-based options have come a long way, it is unfortunate that many still taste like they were designed by someone who’s only heard of flavour.
Value for money: Fairly high prices for sandwiches that are made of things grown in dirt.
Verdict: If no meat, why eat? (sorry vegans)
This year’s Christmas sandwich scene is like an Eastender’s Christmas day special: part delicious, part disastrous, all drama. They’re here to make you question culinary logic, your calorie intake, and why there’s stuffing in your mouth at 10am – because nothing unites Britain quite like collectively complaining about, and then immediately buying festive sandwiches.