Dating. It’s awkward, raw, horrible, hilarious and painful. But we love it.
As someone who has been in a relationship for a while, I am happily away from the realities of the current dating climate. However, when it comes to hearing my friends vent about their current situationship or first-date horrors I am all ears. After all, don’t we all love a bit of gossip?
It seems that the hardest part of dating is the first few hurdles. Many falter at the prompt response, some can’t make it past texting, others leap into the real world but trip up at the first date. A select few glide over the finish line.
Online dating is a blessing and a curse. We have the opportunity to meet people we may have never crossed paths with – but it can be extremely overwhelming. A study on dating trends by Forbes, published in July, found that 78% of Gen Z daters have dating-app burnout, with the lead cause being a failure to connect with people. No wonder we are feeling so unlucky in love.
Maybe we have too many expectations? Seeing a profile lets us build an image of someone in our minds. Then, the build up makes us question this image. Are they actually this funny? Are they going to look the same in person? Did they lie about their height? What if there’s no physical connection? It’s all too much.
In London, dating is a free-for-all. It is kill or be killed, survival of the fittest, any other saying to imply that it is hard. Here at Kingston University, things are sadly no different, here are some students who spilled the beans on the dating scene.
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“I went on a date with this guy once and we didn’t connect that much but whatever, we can still have a decent time. Anyway, he goes to the loo and then his friend calls saying he’s ‘locked out’ of the house. We were close by, so the guy went back to let his mate in. About 10 minutes later he calls me saying he just sat on the sofa and was ‘too tired’ to get up… I hadn’t even finished my first pint.”
“One time I went to an afters with this guy. I had met him and a couple of his mates in first year and had seen them around… So we go back to his and we’re having drinks and getting cosy when all of a sudden there’s a bang from upstairs. He ran up and his housemate had trashed his room in a fit of jealousy because he liked me too.”
“Went back to his house after a date and his room was a MESS. Plates of food, drinking cups, plastic bottles, clothes, even used condoms. I had to leave.”
“I had a date with a girl where I paid for most of the rounds since she ‘didn’t have money’ and she would ‘get me back next time’. I didn’t mind at all until she ghosted me. I texted a few times asking if she could send me some money since it seemed like we wouldn’t be seeing each other again. Nothing. Mind you I was down over £100 for the night. Eventually I messaged her saying I had chlamydia, which was a lie, and needed to talk to her. Money was in my account the next day.”
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It doesn’t have to be all bad, though. Dating coach, Lucy Yarrow, says “there’s some amazing elements of [dating], but you have to put up with the sh*t, you go through a lot but it’s worth it for the endgame.”
You have to go through these bad dates and awkward moments to find out what will ultimately work for you. They’re a learning experience and a story your friends will tease you for for years to come.
While it can be fun and games, it’s also important to look out for yourself. This is something Yarrow works on with her clients. “It’s very easy to be knocked down quite a lot, especially as you get older. Believing in yourself, doing your own self work. The second you drop your self work, you’re putting up with what’s not okay from a dating perspective.”
Whether you’re ready to settle, enjoying the dating scene or happy being single, be upfront about your goals and hopefully no-one gets their hearts broken. “What goes around comes around, you don’t want bad karma,” Yarrow warns of ghosting and leading people on. However, if you do get burned, the key is to “focus on the positives of the breakup and the negatives of the relationship. Rejection is quite rubbish and it does bruise the ego a bit, but reframe it as redirection not rejection.”
Yarrow believes that happiness attracts happiness. “Make your life as perfect as it can be without that partner. Go on the trips you want to go on. Experience the things you want to experience. Don’t hold off on your life waiting for a partner. Once you build that perfect life and you’re your best, happiest self, that will attract a partner and they will then be the cherry on top of your perfect life.”