Christmas is supposed to be the time of year where everyone is relaxed and soaking up the mulled wine. People are out enjoying the festive markets and wishing ‘Merry Christmas’ to each other on the street. WRONG.
If you’re a student, you’re more likely to be stressed out with December deadlines and drowning in absolutely anything alcoholic to de-stress. The closest thing to ‘Merry Christmas’ is an understanding nod to your flatmate as you both eat stale cereal left open from September.
To help you through this ‘jolly’ time of year, The River’s Carly Hacon has summed up her previous festive fuck ups.
Signing up to multiple secret santas
What a great idea this seems at the time. Because the more you agree to do, the more presents you get. What could possibly be a downer to that? Well, when you realise you have agreed to a £10 budget per present and you already can’t afford milk – slight issue. But of course it’s fine to go without basic supplies for a week and eat mainly out of housemates’ cupboards. You perfected your friends’ presents and even debate keeping them for yourself.
But… on the day of the swap you come to realise that every present you’ve received is garbage. Absolutely pointless. Save yourself the bother and the abundance of Primark socks and just say no.
Who ate all the pies?
Over-indulging at Christmas is a given – it’s all part of the fun. However it is really not funny when you have piled on the pounds and now look like the Christmas pudding. According to other people it is also not funny when you eat your flatmates’ mince pies. They do count them and they will find you. So stay strong, take Rudolph’s advice and stick to carrots.
Gift ideas – who would like that? Me.
Not knowing what to get your loved ones isn’t just a student problem – but we tend to struggle more, especially on our budget. With a list of six people to buy for, who can I find gifts for? Me. Everywhere I look are potential gifts that I would like for Christmas. But there is an answer…
Living in the selfie generation, I have thousands of photos. Print them out, stick them in a frame, voila! Thoughtful, affordable presents for all.
Gift wrapping
This easy task shouldn’t take much time at all. However, after losing the start of the cellotape 37 times, taking the varnish off of your hall of residence desk and chronic back pain, you have lost all Christmas spirit. Mariah won’t help you when you’ve lost your deposit, so invest in a tape dispenser.
Ruining Christmas dinner
Have you even lived in halls if you didn’t attempt a flat Christmas dinner? Everyone gets so excited, you’ve done a big Aldi shop and even bought brussell sprouts for the occasion. The Gordon Ramsay of the group takes the lead and demands people who are ‘not helping’ to start the washing up. But before you’ve got time to sing jingle bells, it’s all gone wrong. The potatoes are burnt, the vegetables are overdone and you’ve forgot the Yorkshires. Save the stress and have your seasonal supper at ‘Spoons.
Getting too merry on the Xmas night out
You’ve left all of your deadlines until last minute, as usual. But tonight is the night: everyone is out for the last student night before Christmas. You obviously can’t miss it, so attempt to cram in as much work as possible before 10PM. You’ve missed half of pre-drinks and someone shouts that the Uber is on it’s way. Better late than never you’re ready and down the whole two litres of Lambrini in 10 minutes. Before you know it, you’re back home with sick on your sparkly jumper laying next to a mayo chicken.
Delivering presents
Last year I had bought and wrapped all of my presents before mid December. And starting Christmas shopping early is always a good thing, right? Well… What I forgot was that I lived five hours away and had to somehow get them all home undamaged. Lesson learnt, this year I will online shop and hopefully remember to deliver to my home address.
Booking your journey late
It’s finally here – the last day of term. Nothing has been on your mind more than that feeling of not having to worry about referencing for a fortnight. You can hear your own bed calling and the notifications start flooding in asking when you will be back in town. You go to check your journey confirmation to realise that that is the one thing you haven’t done. Frantically scanning Trainline and realising that the only remaining journey to Great Yarmouth is £110, but you decide it’s worth it because you miss your dog and the flat is empty.
Megan Kelly
Maurizio Kayonjo