Much ado about muff-ing

By Hayley Simpson

I love my muff. Yes, you read that right. I love my lady garden and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

In fact, I love it so much that on December 10 I’m going on a Muff March with hundreds of women to celebrate what lies beneath.
It shocks me to find out that not all ladies are as enamoured with their vag-jay-jay’s as I am.

British women’s natural genital confidence is at an all time low and Brazilians, Hollywoods and Vajazzling are just some of the ways we are spending a fortune trying to boost it.

But when and why did we be- come so obsessed with how we look ‘down there’?

Most women don’t often get together to compare their anatomy, but if we did we would see that they share little resemblance to the bleached, pimped and pre-pubescent like ‘shaven havens’ displayed in top shelf magazines and porn films.

I believe our preoccupation with our nether regions has paved the way for something more sinister: The Designer Vagina.

A study published in August last year showed that female genital surgery has increased five fold in the last ten years.

Last year alone, over 2,000 women had surgery on their lady-parts through the NHS and thousands more are believed to have sought treatment privately.  Most of these procedures are purely cosmetic, with no medical reason.

So what is genital surgery and why are some women desperate to have it?
I’ll spare you the gory details and simply say that in 2010 The Harley Medical Group received 5,000 enquires for genital surgery. Sixty five were for ‘reductions’, and the rest for ‘tightening’ and ‘reshaping’. 

Surely, even in a world where plastic surgery is no great taboo, this is one nip and tuck too far?

According to the Harley Medical Group, one of the “benefits” of having vaginal reshaping or tightening is the “ability to wear jeans”.

“What?” I hear you cry, “jeans?”

Yes, that’s right. Those pesky plastic surgeons on Harley Street are profiting from women’s insecurities, and in this case, just making them up along the way.

This is not just a feminist excuse for a rant. This is serious and threatening to the health and wellbeing of all women. It is the western equivalent of genital mutilation – pointless and painful.

I understand that some women who go through with this surgery must be desperately unhappy.

But why are plastic surgeons making money from women’s body-hatred when it should be society’s responsibility to boost their confidence?

We think of our society as one that celebrates diversity so I think it is time we encourage the different shapes and sizes found inside our knickers and I’m making it my mission to drum up some much needed muff love around Kingston.